What a coincidence that this mediation was on my birthday.. Self-Will... PERFECT... Every July 23rd I read the same frigging meditation and I think ...Yea mike you are being kinda selfish.....HELLO.....Its my BIRTHDAY for Christ sakes , cant I be a little selfish...
That pretty much sums up my life. When I was active I was always at odds with EVERYONE around me.. holy shit...I was very good at getting what I wanted.. sometimes, actually most of the time I didn't even realize I was being manipulative...I just wanted what I wanted and needed what I needed.. My fears and insecurities didnt allow me to worry about others... And now..17 years later.. I have at least one ex that will say NOTHING CHANGED....She was crazy... I mean , of course the planet spins just for me.. DUH
I sometimes struggle with Self Will , especially when I was in a relationship.. The mediation talks about having someone to do our bidding for us... She was like "you are soo soo selfish" and I was like " I will work on it NEXT July 23rd..." I like to stick to the topic of the day and tomorrow is about Masks...Dont wanna veer from the literature .... HaHaHaHa (Devilish laugh)
Balance is the key....Sometimes I am sooo even keel and sometimes not so much... When I am on point , I am there for myself and the people close to me.. When I am disconnected even just a little , things go astray.. I am chasing a dream.... this dream requires sacrifice .. I sacrifice time with my children, time with my friends and time that would be spent with that special someone.. I choose not to put a special someone in my life because I know they would deserve my time and I cant give it right now... It would be unfair to ask someone new to accept those limitation.... When I am not centered , when I am not plugged in and balanced I become needy .. I start to desire finding that special someone but I know its not the right time...I am usually OK with it but not when I am not plugged in... My kids, friends and fellowship need me and I need them...when I spread myself somewhat evenly I usually feel great... and that's when I usually make the biggest strides in my life and career...
I love at the end of every meditation the literature gives us two ways to go... One is so dark and disastrous and one is the obvious choice... You can either SELL YOU KIDS FOR CRACK....or Go to a noontime meeting.... Hummm let me see....
GOD .. me...the fellowship and then my kids.. thats the order of my life , when I remember it my life is pretty simple...
Thanks for reading....
Mike G
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