Today's meditation spoke about our complete self-centeredness in active addiction. I like that in this reading we acknowledge that quote un quote Normal people suffer from Self-Centeredness as well , we just take it to another level... I was aware that I was hurting the people close to me but I really didn't have time to worry about it.. The guilt of that pain added to my pain and bottom. I couldn't live with myself anymore. I knew I was gonna keep adding to the list of shit I did wrong but I didn't want to.. When I stopped using allot of the things I did to others stopped as well.. My close family just wanted me to be safe and happy , that was my amends to them. Some amends are still owed to ex girlfriends that I did wrong. It hard to make those so I don't do the same action to anyone in my life today, this is a way for me to make an amends..
The meditation also went on to talk about how sharing the things that make life worth living such as Love, laughter, excitement and caring.. these things are better shared with people you love and we must not hurt the ones we love.. if we do we need to make amends.. I kinda felt like that was a 10th step action.. My 4th step shouldn't fill up again if I am truly working this program. The 10th was perfectly placed right there after all my house cleaning was complete .. I could then use the 10th to KEEP it clean... I have made a few mistakes in recovery , some of them I dealt with right away and a couple need attending but I'm not gonna wait to fill up another 4th .. that is crazy... I try to PROMPTLY admit.....
Thanks for letting me share
Mike
P.S. there all not gonna be funny... just read and enjoy.... Love ya
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