Angry Serenity Prayer....

Little comedy show clip... This is the prayer I say when I really aint prayin for ya.. Its kinda like when someone says "I'll pray for you" or "some are sicker than others so we should pray for them"... I always tell those assfaces that if you REALLY TRULY plan on praying for someone because you feel they need Gods help then JUST FRIGGIN PRAY n SHUT UP... When someone says "I'll pray for you" they are pretty much telling you to go F yourself but trying to make themselves look like the better one.. Its like saying "I am so Humble" ..

Enjoy

The Slogan Slapper

Video Blog..."Holy Slogans Batman...pt1"

I expect you to have no expectations....Huh

One of the fellowships meditations for July 29th speaks about expectations...  Very ironic because as I read the title "EXPECTATIONS"  I EXPECT to get something out of the meditation....

My first few years of recovery were spent walking a VERY VERY RIGID line.. There was no room for error on my part and I certainly wasn't allowing you to make your own errors..  I believed if you didn't go to 15 meetings a week, have 5 group level commitments , carry the message in to facilities than you just weren't recovering.....You must not want this ...  I would spend hours shouting at you in the diner parking lot...Hours shouting at you over the phone....Hours shouting at you after a meeting.... BLAH BLAH BLAH....  My buddy use to say " let people be people" ...I had no frigging idea how to do that .. Until I needed some slack in my life...When I was unable to live up to the expectations I had set for everyone else, when I couldn't maintain 15 meetings a week, when I needed a break....that's when I realized I needed to lay off everyone.. If I want people to give me some slack then I was going to have to give it to them first...  but even then..even when I was giving slack I was expecting it in return...  I was forgiving in order to be forgiven...NOT THE RIGHT REASONS.... I needed to give in order to just give... I needed to let people live and enjoy life the way they see fit.. and not expect them to let me do the same..   just do it because its the right way to be.... Don't judge because its an unhealthy behavior not because you dont want to be judged  ..  Have you ever heard people say "People who matter don't judge and people who judge don't matter"?  That statement is equally judgmental if not worse because they believe they are the good ones.. Judging those who judge.... I was one of those people ...spewing the words of my buddy "Let people be people" while demanding you let me be me..  I just have to be me, I have to be true to myself and when that happens I tend to allow others to be themselves.. even if they don't like me... even if they don't let me be me... I live for me and I don't require anyone to allow me to be me anymore....and I don't dare stop others from being true to themselves....

I no longer forgive in order to be forgiven ... I forgive because its easier on ME....I am extreeeeemly selfish

Thanks for checkin us out

Mike G

Video Blog....."Fellowship Policing of Facebook Groups..STOP and SHUSH UP"

Just remember this.. I love you guys...even if we dont agree I still love you.....

Today is a good day.. My Birthday Meditation....JFT July 23rd

What a coincidence that this mediation was on my birthday.. Self-Will... PERFECT... Every July 23rd I read the same frigging meditation and I think ...Yea mike you are being kinda selfish.....HELLO.....Its my BIRTHDAY for Christ sakes , cant I be a little selfish...

That pretty much sums up my life. When I was active I was always at odds with EVERYONE around me.. holy shit...I was very good at getting what I wanted.. sometimes, actually most of the time I didn't even realize I was being manipulative...I just wanted what I wanted and needed what I needed.. My fears and insecurities didnt allow me to worry about others...   And now..17 years later.. I have at least one ex that will say NOTHING CHANGED....She was crazy... I mean , of course the planet spins just for me.. DUH
I sometimes struggle with Self Will , especially when I was in a relationship.. The mediation talks about having someone to do our bidding for us... She was like "you are soo soo selfish" and I was like " I will work on it NEXT July 23rd..."  I like to stick to the topic of the day and tomorrow is about Masks...Dont wanna veer from the literature .... HaHaHaHa (Devilish laugh)

Balance is the key....Sometimes I am sooo even keel and sometimes not so much... When I am on point , I am there for myself and the people close to me.. When I am disconnected even just a little , things go astray.. I am chasing a dream.... this dream requires sacrifice .. I sacrifice time with my children, time with my friends and time that would be spent with that special someone.. I choose not to put a special someone in my life because I know they would deserve my time and I cant give it right now... It would be unfair to ask someone new to accept those limitation.... When I am not centered , when I am not plugged in and balanced I become needy .. I start to desire finding that special someone but I know its not the right time...I am usually OK with it but not when I am not plugged in...  My kids, friends and fellowship need me and I need them...when I spread myself somewhat evenly I usually feel great... and that's when I usually make the biggest strides in my life and career...

I love at the end of every meditation the literature gives us two ways to go... One is so dark and disastrous and one is the obvious choice...  You can either  SELL YOU KIDS FOR CRACK....or Go to a noontime meeting.... Hummm let me see....

GOD .. me...the fellowship and then my kids.. thats the order of my life , when I remember it my life is pretty simple...

Thanks for reading....

Mike G

Video Blog.... "Not a very uplifting meditation"